Life on the Fast Lane

Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman — and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing.

Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows.

Selma’s Choice

Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish.

Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?* What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? Dad didn’t leave… When he comes back from the store, he’s going to wave those pop-tarts right in your face! I hope I didn’t brain my damage.

  • Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train!
  • Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

A Fish Called Selma

Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? Old people don’t need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

Homer: Bad Man

Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours.

Save me, Jeebus. Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.

  1. No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it.

  2. Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
  3. You don’t win friends with salad.
Homer Alone

Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies. What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! I didn’t think it was physically possible, but this both sucks *and* blows. Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

Marge vs. Monorail

That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The children believe anything you tell them. Human contact: the final frontier. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love! What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? That’s why I love elementary school, Edna.

The children believe anything you tell them.

Lisa, vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Here’s to alcohol, the cause of — and solution to — all life’s problems.